Sunday 29 January 2012

Vegetarian Shepherd's Pie




The other week at work, I received a major blow. Whilst pouring myself a glass of Innocent smoothie in the communal kitchen, a man from another office walked up behind me and uttered the crushing line: “Excuse me, are you the cleaner?”

Now, as people always write when mistaken for someone in a job supposedly less prestigious than their own, I have nothing against cleaners. Other than the fact that after university when I applied to clean tables at lunchtime in a primary school, I was rejected. Nothing personal there though, as I was also rejected from McDonalds, Subway and Pizza Hut and consequently ended up “selling” gas and electricity for an anonymous energy supplier.

Where was I? Ah yes, in the kitchen at work. To paint a clearer picture, I was wearing an ex-boyfriend’s oversized Ben Sherman jumper, some trousers that I originally bought for my work experience at age 15 which are all frayed at the bottom hems and some chequered Vans slip-ons.

So, bitterly, I took the erroneous remark by the horns and gave myself a proverbial kick up the arse. Off I marched to Westfield to splurge on some office wear. I mean, I do TRY to dress professionally but it’s just not in my nature. I have the wrong body for pencil skirts and I just can’t walk in heels unless I’m battered, which sort of rules them out as work wear.

The only good thing about Westfield is that they have one of those pretzel stalls that continuously give out free samples of warm, sugary, cinnamony doughnuty things. After a few laps of the pretzel place, with different facial expressions each time in an attempt to disguise myself and not look like I was just one greedy person substituting supper with free samples, I made my way into Primark. Yeah, I know it’s rubbish quality and crap fitting, yadda yaddaa, I don’t care I just wanted some cheap shirts.

It seems as if I’m not the only one having an image overhaul; so are the government! At least they’re encouraging all of us to have an overhaul anyway. Change 4 Life is brought to us by the NHS and it aims to get people to eat less junk and more vegetables. My mum emailed this recipe to me the other week and suggested that I try it, so I did.

The thing is with all Quorn based products is that you can tell that it’s not meat. It doesn’t have the flavour or the aroma or the consistency. To enjoy this one, you need to be one of the following:

a) a vegetarian/vegan (I think this is vegan friendly but correct me if I am wrong);
b) a person who wants to cut down on their meat/is open to veggie stuff; or
c) an omnivore with a really bad cold rendering their taste buds inadequate.

However, two positive points to note about the meal are as follows:

1) There isn’t much washing up. As a person without access to a dishwasher, the amount of dirty dishes a meal produces is always a good “shall I bother cooking this” barometer; and

2) I discovered that I quite like the smell of singed oven glove (caught it on the grill, twice). It’s a bit like bonfire toffee, which I love.




Ingredients

2 carrots, chopped
300g swede, chopped
600g potatoes, cut into small cubes
1 tsp vegetable oil
1 onion, chopped (I used 2)
I spontaneously added 1 red pepper
300g vegetarian mince
300ml reduced salt vegetable stock
1 courgette, grated
100g frozen mixed vegetables or frozen peas
Ground black pepper
1 tsp cornflour (I used plain flour)

1. Cook the carrots, swede and potatoes in a large saucepan of boiling water until tender, about 20 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, heat the vegetable oil in a large saucepan and gently fry the onion for 2-3 minutes, until softened. Add the vegetarian mince (at this point I added my plain flour) and stock. Bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and add the courgette and frozen mixed vegetables or peas. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 4-5 minutes. Season with black pepper.

3. Preheat the grill, warming a baking dish underneath for a few moments. Meanwhile, drain and mash the carrots, swede and potatoes, seasoning with black pepper.

4. Blend the cornflour with 1 tbsp cold water and add it to the mince mixture, stirring until thickened (didn't bother with this bit, due to the plain flour escapade but i think it would make a nicer gravy, which was slightly lacking in mine). Transfer it to the baking dish and spoon the vegetable mash on top. Grill for about 5 minutes, until browned. Serve.



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Pretending To Eat Meat - Episode 1





Before becoming a v-e-g-g-i-e I was a fervent meat eater. Unlike some of my friends who have been brought up as vegetarians and so have never craved meat, I fucking loved meat. 

There are so many of my favourite things that have now become confined to the history books. Examples include McDonalds (Thankfully, I can still have the fries), steak (not usually a massive fan but after my first and last visit to Relais de Venise it’s another darling gone) and my two most beloved curries ever (one of which is at a restaurant in Sheffield and the other is one I used to make for my boyfriend). Sob.

Anyway, chin up because even though I can’t eat animals anymore, I can still pretend! I will therefore strive to update my blog with things I find that brighten up the melancholy meat-free life.

Frazzles
I would describe these facon (fake bacon…fay-cun) crisps as middle-class pork scratchings. I hate pork scratchings but I do like bacon and so these stripy little tabs, vaguely reminiscent of meat are actually quite good. So good in fact that from the 8 pack I bought yesterday, I only have one packet left. Please note that as I do not have any friends, I’m ashamed to say that I am the consumer of all 7 packets.





Haribo
Alright, not ALL Haribo is suitable for vegetarians. In fact, most of it isn’t, including my all-time favourite sweet ever – Maoam. Maoam are just the fruitiest bites of chewy joy anyone could ever experience and whoever invented them is a genius but also very weird because let’s face it, who would even consider putting ANIMAL in kids’ chews.

In light of the above, you can imagine how joyous I was when I stumbled upon some Haribo that didn’t contain stuff from animals’ bones. I didn’t even bother to read the packaging or stop to consider that I might not like them, I just chucked them in my little wheelie basket and hopped along to the self-service.

Long story short: they’re not as nice as normal sweets so I suppose the animal stuff really makes a difference. They’re not really chewy and the flavours were a bit shit. If one thing is going to be my downfall with the whole veggie thing, then it WILL be Maoam.

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Potato Wedges




Self control. Discipline. Strength.

Just a few of the traits I do not possess. Some people can eat a normal bar of chocolate, feel satisfied and move on with their day. Other people can go out for a couple of drinks after work – hell, maybe even three or four – and then trot off back home feeling satisfied. Some amazing people can get their laptop out, have a quick browse through Facebook, update their Tumblr with a picture of 1990’s nostalgia and then turn off their laptop and resume real life.

I am not one of the aforementioned people. In fact, I am the antithesis of every rational and controlled person on this planet – which to me, seems like EVERYONE.

Let’s take the same examples and apply them to my life. The only chocolate I eat comes in packages which are plastered with “To share!”, “Seal back up for later!” and “For all the family to enjoy!”. Are they TRYING to rub it in? I mean, does anyone actually use those shit stickers that are never big enough or sticky enough to actually hold a bag of Maltesers shut? Well, anyway, I frequently eat a bag of these chocolates a day. And then I move onto sweets and crisps.

Nights out and drinking is another failing point and my work Christmas party is a prime example. Instead of going home afterwards, like all the other well-behaved and rational people, I decided to stay out. Even by 5am I was sitting at a bus stop on Bishopsgate thinking that I wasn’t yet ready to go back to my hotel (I got a hotel as little Christmas present from the Boss). To make matters worse, I was the ONLY one who was meant to be working the next day. I turned up to work at 11.30am (only because the hotel checking out time was at noon) and spent the day on a make-shift bed (two office chairs) with intermittent trips to the toilets to stick my head in the bowl.

I imagine I’m not the only person with an internet addiction but I really think I take it to another level, to the point that I don’t really socialise in real life because I spend ALL my time reading blogs of people I wish I knew but don’t. Probably those people would never actually want to know me, as I imagine that they have become interesting people by hanging around with people who are also interesting.

Anyway, I made some potato wedges and they were so fucking good that I pulled them out of the oven, took an un-opened tub of soured cream from the fridge and proceeded to eat all of them, straight off the baking tray and into my mouth. When you find yourself: a) not using a plate; and b) standing whilst eating home-cooking, you know that you are a failure.

Potato Wedges

2 jumbo baking potatoes
Olive oil

  1. Cut up each potato into 16 wedges. Lie them on a baking tray and drizzle with olive oil. Use your hands to get them all covered in the oil. Arrange them as a single layer on the tray.
  1. Stick them in the oven at about 200c (fan). After about 20 minutes turn each wedge over and stick them in for another 20 minutes until they’re golden.
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Saturday 28 January 2012

Roasted Vegetable Lasagne



Well, well well. After STUPIDLY committing myself to “Soup of the Week” (see last entry), it all went down hill fast. There haven’t been any notable problems: I still have a home and an internet connection and a laptop and a brain and so there is no good reason why I have not updated since fucking OCTOBER.

I promise to never, ever promise about doing anything ever again. It just leads to disaster, in all of life’s departments. Here’s to a new year, a new start and a free and easy non-committal approach to blogging.

Talking about new starts, let’s talk resolutions. Unlike most people, I am actually alright at sticking to new years resolutions. They’re never anything too major, usually just read more (I did), eat less bread (I do), stop being lazy and do revision (I did and got a degree!).

However, this year, I have gone ALL OUT. I have become a vegetarian. There are various reasons behind this but I’m fearful of going into them because so many people get very upset and defensive about people who have become vegetarian. Instead, I’ll just tell you that I read a lot about meat and fish production and decided that it wasn’t for me.

So, in light of the above, my blog about food is going to harbour certain obvious limitations. Who knows how long this will last; as Soup of the Week-gate has proven, it is silly to boast about anything being forever. All I will say is that I am currently, at the moment, presently a vegetarian and here is a delightful recipe that a vegetarian or anyone…except a vegan…can eat.

Roasted Vegetable Lasagne

Ingredients
  • 3 red peppers
  • 2 aubergine
  • 3 large mushrooms (not on the official recipe but I like it)
  • 8 tbsp olive oil , plus a little for greasing
  • ½ quantity tomato sauce (see link to main site)
  • 300g fresh pack lasagne sheets
  • ½ quantity white sauce (see link to main site)
  • 125g ball mozzarella
Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6. Deseed the peppers, halve, then cut into large chunks. Trim ends off aubergines, then cut into slices about ½cm thick. Lightly grease 2 large baking trays, then place peppers and aubergines on top. Toss with the olive oil, season well, then roast for 25 mins until lightly browned.

Reduce oven to 180C/fan 160C/gas 4. Lightly oil an ovenproof serving dish (30 x 20cm). Arrange a layer of the vegetables on the bottom, then pour over a third of the tomato sauce. Top with a layer of lasagne, then drizzle over a quarter of the white sauce. Repeat until you have 3 layers of pasta.
To finish, spoon remaining white sauce over the pasta, making sure the whole surface is covered. Scatter mozzarella. Bake for 45 mins until bubbling and golden.

The full recipe can be found here: BBC Good Food.

A few notes:

1. The tomato sauce (which you can find on the main BBC Good Food site) is exceptional. It's like a soup. A really good soup. However, like making a homemade soup, it does take a bit of time. Therefore, I recommend making a batch of this stuff, to be frozen and used at a later date.

2. Aubergines are my new "thing". They really are great, for many reasons. Firstly, they are easy as hell. Most vegetables that are aubergine-sized, like butternut squash, are nightmarish to cut up and peel. The great thing about aubergines is that the seeds are ok to eat and you can eat the skin! Like a healthy potato perhaps. Secondly, they soak up flavours like nothing else, meaning they taste bloody good.

3. I was telling my Mum all about this recipe and so she made it for my Dad. It didn't go down well because my Dad missed the meat. Therefore, if you really are a fully fledged carnivore, this might not be the right blog for you anymore.
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